Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Top 6: Crazy Killer Couples

With Valentine's Day fast approaching, love is in the air and as we all know, love does strange things to people. Sigmund Freud said, "One is very crazy when in love," which is never more true than with the half a dozen couples below. Here are my Top 6: Crazy Killer Couples.

6. A Perfect Getaway
What better way to show somebody you love them than by whisking them away on a Hawaiian honeymoon? If it's not your honeymoon then fear not, simply kill off the cute, young newly weds whose honeymoon it is and stand in their place. It will be even more romantic than that time you killed the neighbours dog at your date by the lake, right Rocky?

5. Mum & Dad
What do you get the man in your life who has everything? A Polish airport cleaner with a 'dodgy visa' so you can play out your weird pervertions together (Not to mention the torturing, killing and crucifiction).

4. The Loved Ones
Every parent should love their child, though definitely not as much as Daddy loves Lola in this excellent, Australian horror. Fraught with creepy sexual overtones between father and daughter that are as subtle as Ed Gein’s dating technique, The Loved One is chillingly gruesome and crazily fucked up… just like our happy, crazy couple.

3. Bride of Chucky
What’s scarier than a talking doll possessed by the soul of a crazed serial killer? Two talking dolls possessed by the souls of crazed serial killers of course. After years of torturing teens and tots alone, Chucky is finally reunited with his long lost lust Tiffany to terrorise them together (including a young Katherine Hiegl pre shitty romcoms).

2. People Under the Stairs

Our unnamed lovers from The People Under the Stairs certainly check a lot of crazy couple boxes;
  • Live in a scary house – Check
  • Own a scary pet – Check
  • God fearing – Check
  • Refer to each other by creepy names – Check
  • Own a lot of weapons – Check
  • Hidden treasure – Check
  • Studded leather gimp suits - Check
  • Teenagers from the town imprisoned in the basement – Check
  • Oh… Incestuous brother/sister relationship - Check
Yep, they’re crazy.

1. Heavenly Creatures
Based on the real life story of the Parker-Hulme murder, Heavenly Creatures is just that age old love story; Girl meets girl and become friends, girls become inseparable, girls’ God fearing parents worry that their souls may be damned by homosexuality, girls’ parents try to split them up, girls bludgeon parents to death with rocks in a stocking. Ah, love.

So, there we have it, the Top 6 crazy killer couples. Happy St Valentine's Day.

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Blood, Boobs & Booze: A Night at the Theatre with Circus of Horrors

Had we not been late, it would never have happened. If we were on time we would have gone into the show with everyone else, taken our seats and settled down to watch Circus of Horrors.

But we were late, only by a minute, but that was late enough. Now the beautiful Mrs Fright Writer has been set upon by lunatics… creepy lunatics completely clad in white jump suits, their faces concealed by white ski masks. They tug at her, try to forcefully remove her coat and, when she tries to escape to safety, they drag her back to commence their fun. A glamorous, curly haired woman giggles uncontrollably as she looks on, never intervening, enjoying the high jinks.

However, we are laughing too. There is nothing sinister here, this all performance and before anybody even treads the boards the show has begun for us because the attacking lunatics and the curly haired on-looker are part of the experience. It’s one of the beauties of Circus of Horrors; outside the theatre, in the foyer and in the show itself, the audience is always involved.

Whether it’s the lunatics crawling to the stage across the auditorium seats and audience heads or the volunteers hauled on stage to take part tricks; the medium for a possessed doll, the wearer of a water filled top hat, the victim of the switch in the banana trick. The front 5 rows are particularly involved, getting soaked by the Mighty Michaela’s alcohol, flashed by Captain Dan, drench in performers’ blood and showered with glitter by Anastasia IV as she spins high above the stage, attatched only by her hair.

There are also new freaks to interactive with in the circus this time, Vitali the contortionist and a real life, authorised, genuine, bona fide Mexican wolf boy… who walks on swords.

It is the old heads of the cast that really make the show however, none more so than my personal favourite Hannibal Helmurto. Hannibal is a sword swallower with a fork tongue, floating ribs, skin like an art covered canvas, implanted prehistoric mammoth ivory teeth and, scariest of all, is a former German tax man. *shudders*

This troupe of high flying, death defying, trick performing, freaks is lead by ring master and inventor Doktor Haze, a madcap genius with horror in his heart and music in his soul.

This circus is like no other that ever rolled into your town. It's chock full of danger, blood, nudity, sexual references, bad language and rock 'n' fucking roll! Circus of Horrors is glitz and guts, glamour and gore, all with a good sense of humour. If you have never seen it before, I urge you to book tickets now and maybe I'll see you at the show.

Until then, as the bad Doktor always says, "may all your dreams, be nightmares!"