Friday, 21 December 2012

Top 6: Christmas Horror Films

Christmas, the time of cheer and good will. Well, not here at the Fright Writer's hovel, where the blood runs all year round.

In honour of horror over the festive period I'll be watching Rare Exports, but until then here is the Top 6 Christmas Horror films.

6. Christmas Evil
A Christmas horror laced with humour as dark as the inside of a chimney. Charting the mental downfall of Harry Stadling, a boy traumatised by his childhood memories and obsessed with Christmas. Stadling commits some grisly, gruesome murders using weapons ranging from axes to toy soldiers. Not flawless but still a good film with a role for horror regular Jeffery DeMunn .

5. Silent Night, Deadly Night
Crazed grandparents, sadistic nuns, killers dressed as Santa and Linnea Quigley impaled on wall mounted reindeer antlers, 'Silent Night, Deadly Night' certainly has a lot in it's favour. It's far from a perfect film, but furore around the films images and advertise upon it's release means this one will be a cult classic for a long time to come.

4. Jack Frost
Another film that's become a cult hit. Serial killer, Jack Frost's gets turned into a snowman after his prison truck collides a tanker carrying genetic material (What are the chances?). Its ridiculous plot, terrible acting, comical deaths and cheap FX means this film is so bad it's good. The infamous shower scene with Shannon Elizabeth adds to this film's must see status.

3. Santa's Slay
Never work with kids, animals or professional wrestlers. One of the rules of cinema is let a WWF (yes, I said 'F' not 'E', fuck the pandas, this is my childhood) star near a film and it's much more likely to become a big steaming pile of reindeer crap. 'Santa's Slay,' however, holds up pretty well despite have Bill Goldberg play the not so jolly St Nick. Goldberg grunts, growls and gurns his way through this over the top Christmas farce, but it's an enjoyable ride.

2. Black Christmas
Forget 'Halloween' or 'My Bloody Valentine', this is the granddaddy of holiday slashers. A house of sorority sisters are tormented by by a derranged killer in this Canadian horror classic based on 'The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs' legend. It also spawned the iconic tagline, "If this picture doesn't make your skin's on too tight." 

1. Gremlins
My undisputed king of Christmas horror is Gremlins. It used to be the only terrifying green things likely to upset anyone at Christmas was sprouts, then Joe Dante's Gremlins came along to wreak havoc over the festive period. The film's dark comedic tone is summed up completely by the tragic story of Kate's father and his Christmas demise.

That's my Top 6 Christmas Horror Films, let me know yours.
A scary Christmas to all and to all a good fright.

Friday, 7 December 2012

Rated X-mas

Halloween has been and gone, the end of the year is nigh. That means it's time to remove that slender, severed leg from the blood soaked, silk stocking and hang it from the fire place in anticipation of what deliciously, deviant delights jolly old Saint Nick may leave in it's place.

For those lacking a little inspiration, here are a few things to scrawl on to your list;
Shock Horror Magazine subscription
Top of my list is this British based bi-monthly horror magazine. Perfect for any horror loving little creep, this magazine is stuffed full of high quality, colourful, glossy delights covering every angle of horror. Regular features from the likes of FX master Mike Peel and sultry scream queens Suzi Lorraine and Sarah French are accompanied by the latest news, reviews and interviews. So, whether it's films, games, comics, tattoos or anything else horror related you’re into, this is a must. Grab a year's subscription here, for just £20, and get a free DVD.

Circus of Horrors tickets
Circuses are boring nonsense for child. Well, not this matinee of macabre that is out touring the country again with their new show, The Ventriloquist. These shows really are amazing so be prepared to be blown away. Forget unfunny clowns, this is frights, fun and flesh that will have you on the edge of your seat. Read my review of their previous show and then book tickets.

'Cleaver' mug
My favourite horror film that doesn't exist (a subject that I will post on soon), 'Cleaver' was described as "Saw meets The Godfather 2," its superbly ludicrous and down right brilliant (even if Sir Ben Kingsley didn't sign on in the end). Whilst the film doesn't exist, the mugs seen in The Sopranos do and they are pretty fucking cool. It is a fine receptacle from which to drink your coffee / liquor / blood of a nubile virgin.

Zombie Magnetic Poetry Kit
Poetry. It's all about love and feelings and shuffling, reanimated corpses with a taste for human flesh. Stick these 200 words to your fridge and add some squelching to your sonnets, some horror to your haikus and some blood splatter to your ballads. Whether your a seasoned wordsmith or novice wordplayer then this set is worth it's while. Plus, it will give you something to do when you are trapped in the zombie apocalypse.

Zombie Feet Slippers
What better way to shuffle out of bed in the morning than in a pair of zombie feet slippers? These battered hooves are beyond pedicures but this cold dead flesh will keep your tootsies toasty.

Zombie Movie Maker Set
Film making is hard work. You’ve got your script, but that’s barely even the start. You need cash, a crew, equipment, props, a full cast and extras. Actually, you don’t. This funky piece of kit from Hawkin's Bazaar means you get all you need to commit your masterpiece to screen… (Ok, it may only be a smartphone screen but still) then upload your masterpieces to a wider audience. This a fun set for any wannabe film makers.

I hope you all get what you want this year. May I wish a scary Christmas to all and to a good fright.