Top 6: Crazy Killer Couples

With Valentine's Day fast approaching, love is in the air and as we all know, love does strange things to people. Sigmund Freud said, "One is very crazy when in love," which is never more true than with the half a dozen couples below. Here are my Top 6: Crazy Killer Couples.


6. A Perfect Getaway
What better way to show somebody you love them than by whisking them away on a Hawaiian honeymoon? If it's not your honeymoon then fear not, simply kill off the cute, young newly weds whose honeymoon it is and stand in their place. It will be even more romantic than that time you killed the neighbours dog at your date by the lake, right Rocky?

5. Mum & Dad
What do you get the man in your life who has everything? A Polish airport cleaner with a 'dodgy visa' so you can play out your weird pervertions together (Not to mention the torturing, killing and crucifiction).

4. The Loved Ones
Every parent should love their child, though definitely not as much as Daddy loves Lola in this excellent, Australian horror. Fraught with creepy sexual overtones between father and daughter that are as subtle as Ed Gein’s dating technique, The Loved One is chillingly gruesome and crazily fucked up… just like our happy, crazy couple.

 

 

3. Bride of Chucky

What’s scarier than a talking doll possessed by the soul of a crazed serial killer? Two talking dolls possessed by the souls of crazed serial killers of course. After years of torturing teens and tots alone, Chucky is finally reunited with his long lost lust Tiffany to terrorise them together (including a young Katherine Hiegl pre shitty romcoms).

2. People Under the Stairs

Our unnamed lovers from The People Under the Stairs certainly check a lot of crazy couple boxes;

• Live in a scary house – Check
• Own a scary pet – Check
• God fearing – Check
• Refer to each other by creepy names – Check
• Own a lot of weapons – Check
• Hidden treasure – Check
• Studded leather gimp suits - Check
• Teenagers from the town imprisoned in the basement – Check
• Oh… Incestuous brother/sister relationship - Check

Yep, they’re crazy.

 

1. Heavenly Creatures
Based on the real life story of the Parker-Hulme murder, Heavenly Creatures is just that age old love story; Girl meets girl and become friends, girls become inseparable, girls’ God fearing parents worry that their souls may be damned by homosexuality, girls’ parents try to split them up, girls bludgeon parents to death with rocks in a stocking. Ah, love.

So, there we have it, the Top 6 crazy killer couples. Happy St Valentine's Day.

Blood, Boobs & Booze: A Night at the Theatre with Circus of Horrors

Had we not been late, it would never have happened. If we were on time we would have gone into the show with everyone else, taken our seats and settled down to watch Circus of Horrors.

But we were late, only by a minute, but that was late enough. Now the beautiful Mrs Fright Writer has been set upon by lunatics… creepy lunatics completely clad in white jump suits, their faces concealed by white ski masks. They tug at her, try to forcefully remove her coat and, when she tries to escape to safety, they drag her back to commence their fun. A glamorous, curly haired woman giggles uncontrollably as she looks on, never intervening, enjoying the high jinks.

However, we are laughing too. There is nothing sinister here, this all performance and before anybody even treads the boards the show has begun for us because the attacking lunatics and the curly haired on-looker are part of the experience. It’s one of the beauties of Circus of Horrors; outside the theatre, in the foyer and in the show itself, the audience is always involved.

Whether it’s the lunatics crawling to the stage across the auditorium seats and audience heads or the volunteers hauled on stage to take part tricks; the medium for a possessed doll, the wearer of a water filled top hat, the victim of the switch in the banana trick. The front 5 rows are particularly involved, getting soaked by the Mighty Michaela’s alcohol, flashed by Captain Dan, drench in performers’ blood and showered with glitter by Anastasia IV as she spins high above the stage, attatched only by her hair.

There are also new freaks to interactive with in the circus this time, Vitali the contortionist and a real life, authorised, genuine, bona fide Mexican wolf boy… who walks on swords.

It is the old heads of the cast that really make the show however, none more so than my personal favourite Hannibal Helmurto. Hannibal is a sword swallower with a fork tongue, floating ribs, skin like an art covered canvas, implanted prehistoric mammoth ivory teeth and, scariest of all, is a former German tax man. *shudders*

This troupe of high flying, death defying, trick performing, freaks is lead by ring master and inventor Doktor Haze, a madcap genius with horror in his heart and music in his soul.

This circus is like no other that ever rolled into your town. It's chock full of danger, blood, nudity, sexual references, bad language and rock 'n' fucking roll! Circus of Horrors is glitz and guts, glamour and gore, all with a good sense of humour. If you have never seen it before, I urge you to book tickets now and maybe I'll see you at the show.

Until then, as the bad Doktor always says, "may all your dreams, be nightmares!"

Top 6: Toughest Heroines

Every February the starlets and sirens of horror are celebrated with Women in Horror Month.

WiHM is an event that not only seeks to show affection to the finest females of frightening film, but also assist those who are underrepresented, educate about discrimination and assist in achieving gender equality.

It's a fantastic organisation, straight from the pulsing brain of Hannah Forman aka Hannah Neurotica.

In celebration of the event here is The Fright Writer Top 6: Toughest Heroines.

6. Clarice Starling - Silence of the Lambs
Special Agent Starling is little more than a student when she and the infamous Dr. Lector cross paths. A lesser character would have been swallowed up by Hannibal, in every sense of the phrase. Not Clarice though. Sure, Starling has her weaknesses, but it's overcoming them that proves just how strong she is.
Voted the 6th Greatest Protagonist by AFI, she was the highest ranking heroine.

5. Alice - Resident Evil
The Resident Evil films are far from great, but it does have a couple of great female characters. Michelle Rodriguez's Rain Ocampo is tougher than any of her male colleagues and boast an attitude and edge to match.
Without doubt though it is Milla Jovovich's Alice that is the force to reckoned with as she picks off zombies with ease ans looks pretty damn good at the same time. Forget damsels in distress, this is all about ass kicking in that dress and Alice is queen.

4. Nancy Thompson - Nightmare on Elm Street
Nancy is just a school girl when the first Nightmare on Elm Street picks up. That doesn't hold Nancy back however and as people started to die in their sleep Nancy is the only match for razor-fingered, sharp-tongued, paedophilic, 'bastard son of 100 maniacs,' Freddy Krueger.

3. Rae Ingram - Dead Calm
Nicole Kidman looks young enough to be Sam Neill's daughter in this film. Don't let those innocent looks fool you, this Aussie girl is as hard as Ayers Rock as she battles to save her husband's life in a role reversal to usual cinematic norm. Take that sexism.

2. Sarah - The Descent
There are a number of powerful women in The Descent who could have made this list had the list been longer. However, with just 6 places up for grabs it's Shauna McDonald's Sarah that makes it.
As if losing your family in a traffic accident isn't enough to deal with Sarah takes on pot-holing, "crawlers" and her own psyche with insurmountable mental strength. Does she make it? Well that depends in if your ending is from the US or UK.

1. Ellen Ripley - Alien
The can only be one winner of my toughest heroine list. Sigourney Weaver's Ripley was the woman who dared to take centre stage in the sci-fi/horror genre. She wasn't a scream queen or final girl, she was something all of her own. She was gutsy, glitzy and glorious. She was the the tough heroine before tough heroines were committed to screen.
Ripley is a role model that girls could really look up to. She wasn't a princess sitting in a castle, looking pretty an waiting to be rescued, she was surviving for herself. No need to be a powder-puff princess when you can be a gun totting Goddess.
Ripley is top of the list because without her, there would be no list.

That's my Top 6 let me know yours below.

For more information on Women in Horror Month go to: www.womaninhorrormonth.com

Sometimes They Come Back... for More

In horror, somethings never die. From immortal vampires to the unstoppable Jason Vorhees, even when you think they have come to a timely end, they get back up and keep doing what they do best.

Sometimes, it's not just images on celluloid that defy torturous, barbaric deaths though. Hammer's revival from beyond the production grave is as incredible as any work of fiction.

Many of the stereotypes of horror are implanted in popular culture because of Hammer's influence. The darkened woodlands, the creepy castle, evil gentry and, of course, beautiful, busty starlets racing around to flash their fangs and cleavage to one and all.

For many years Hammer was at the forefront of the British film industry. Whether it was creating classics or churning out trash, Hammer was much loved and often adored. It created stars of the highest calibre, Christoper Lee, Peter Cushing, Ingrid Pitt, the list goes on and on and on (though Lee undoubtedly tops it).

 

However, when British culture, society and cinema took a fall so did Hammer. The company ceased to produce films for almost three decades.

Now Hammer has risen from the ashes, a new, stronger beast.

The busty babes are gone, the frightful castles a memory and the woodlands have been cutdown and paved over. This is still Hammer's heart thudding away inside, however. Hammer may not have seen much action in a long time, but it has kept up with the times.

Take a look at 'The Resident.' Woodlands are replaced by sprawling urban cityscapes and upper classes by landlords, but the terror and horror is unmistakable, as of course is the incomparible Christopher Lee.

Hammer's rebirth is much like those another of it's new offerings, 'Wakewood.' It's essence is the same, but it is newer, more sinister and something you definitely should not take your eyes off for a second.

Hammer may have officially returned in 2007, but in 2012 it has made it's stay. So, welcome back Hammer. You have been sorely missed.

Top 6: Christmas Horror Films

Christmas, the time of cheer and good will. Well, not here at the Fright Writer's hovel, where the blood runs all year round.

In honour of horror over the festive period I'll be watching Rare Exports, but until then here is the Top 6 Christmas Horror films.

6. Christmas Evil
A Christmas horror laced with humour as dark as the inside of a chimney. Charting the mental downfall of Harry Stadling, a boy traumatised by his childhood memories and obsessed with Christmas. Stadling commits some grisly, gruesome murders using weapons ranging from axes to toy soldiers. Not flawless but still a good film with a role for horror regular Jeffery DeMunn .

5. Silent Night, Deadly Night
Crazed grandparents, sadistic nuns, killers dressed as Santa and Linnea Quigley impaled on wall mounted reindeer antlers, 'Silent Night, Deadly Night' certainly has a lot in it's favour. It's far from a perfect film, but furore around the films images and advertise upon it's release means this one will be a cult classic for a long time to come.

4. Jack Frost
Another film that's become a cult hit. Serial killer, Jack Frost's gets turned into a snowman after his prison truck collides a tanker carrying genetic material (What are the chances?). Its ridiculous plot, terrible acting, comical deaths and cheap FX means this film is so bad it's good. The infamous shower scene with Shannon Elizabeth adds to this film's must see status.

3. Santa's Slay
Never work with kids, animals or professional wrestlers. One of the rules of cinema is let a WWF (yes, I said 'F' not 'E', fuck the pandas, this is my childhood) star near a film and it's much more likely to become a big steaming pile of reindeer crap. 'Santa's Slay,' however, holds up pretty well despite have Bill Goldberg play the not so jolly St Nick. Goldberg grunts, growls and gurns his way through this over the top Christmas farce, but it's an enjoyable ride.

2. Black Christmas
Forget 'Halloween' or 'My Bloody Valentine', this is the granddaddy of holiday slashers. A house of sorority sisters are tormented by by a derranged killer in this Canadian horror classic based on 'The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs' legend. It also spawned the iconic tagline, "If this picture doesn't make your skin crawl...it's on too tight." 

1. Gremlins
My undisputed king of Christmas horror is Gremlins. It used to be the only terrifying green things likely to upset anyone at Christmas was sprouts, then Joe Dante's Gremlins came along to wreak havoc over the festive period. The film's dark comedic tone is summed up completely by the tragic story of Kate's father and his Christmas demise.

 

 

That's my Top 6 Christmas Horror Films, let me know yours.

 

A scary Christmas to all and to all a good fright.





Rated X-mas

Halloween has been and gone, the end of the year is nigh. That means it's time to remove that slender, severed leg from the blood soaked, silk stocking and hang it from the fire place in anticipation of what deliciously, deviant delights jolly old Saint Nick may leave in it's place.

For those lacking a little inspiration, here are a few things to scrawl on to your list;
 
Shock Horror Magazine subscription
Top of my list is this British based bi-monthly horror magazine. Perfect for any horror loving little creep, this magazine is stuffed full of high quality, colourful, glossy delights covering every angle of horror. Regular features from the likes of FX master Mike Peel and sultry scream queens Suzi Lorraine and Sarah French are accompanied by the latest news, reviews and interviews. So, whether it's films, games, comics, tattoos or anything else horror related you’re into, this is a must. Grab a year's subscription here, for just £20, and get a free DVD.

Circus of Horrors tickets
Circuses are boring nonsense for child. Well, not this matinee of macabre that is out touring the country again with their new show, The Ventriloquist. These shows really are amazing so be prepared to be blown away. Forget unfunny clowns, this is frights, fun and flesh that will have you on the edge of your seat. Read my review of their previous show and then book tickets.

'Cleaver' mug
My favourite horror film that doesn't exist (a subject that I will post on soon), 'Cleaver' was described as "Saw meets The Godfather 2," its superbly ludicrous and down right brilliant (even if Sir Ben Kingsley didn't sign on in the end). Whilst the film doesn't exist, the mugs seen in The Sopranos do and they are pretty fucking cool. It is a fine receptacle from which to drink your coffee / liquor / blood of a nubile virgin.

Zombie Magnetic Poetry Kit
Poetry. It's all about love and feelings and shuffling, reanimated corpses with a taste for human flesh. Stick these 200 words to your fridge and add some squelching to your sonnets, some horror to your haikus and some blood splatter to your ballads. Whether your a seasoned wordsmith or novice wordplayer then this set is worth it's while. Plus, it will give you something to do when you are trapped in the zombie apocalypse.

Zombie Feet Slippers
What better way to shuffle out of bed in the morning than in a pair of zombie feet slippers? These battered hooves are beyond pedicures but this cold dead flesh will keep your tootsies toasty.

Zombie Movie Maker Set
Film making is hard work. You’ve got your script, but that’s barely even the start. You need cash, a crew, equipment, props, a full cast and extras. Actually, you don’t. This funky piece of kit from Hawkin's Bazaar means you get all you need to commit your masterpiece to screen… (Ok, it may only be a smartphone screen but still) then upload your masterpieces to a wider audience. This a fun set for any wannabe film makers.

I hope you all get what you want this year. May I wish a scary Christmas to all and to a good fright.

Are You Local?

This Halloween marks 10 years since The League of Gentlemen aired its final episode on the BBC. The deliciously dark comedy show was something we had not seen the likes of before, and whose quirky charm has not been matched since.

The show was not so much laced with horror references as it was doused in them. The Wicker Man, Nosferatu, The Exorcist; The League of Gentlemen paid homage to an incredible number of classic horror films and kept the laughter, as well as the terror, rolling throughout.

The action staggered from scene-to-scene, like alcohol induced nightmares, through the streets and buildings warped village of ‘Royston Vasey.’ All the action is held together by bizarre storylines of mysterious macabre including veterinary curses, attic monsters, curious circuses and “Special Stuff.”

In fact the only thing more bizarre than the show’s storylines was its characters. Beastly butcher Hilary Briss, confused, transsexual cab driver Barbara Dixon, non-believer vicar Rev. Bernice, murderous local shopkeepers and minders of ‘precious things’ Tubbs and Edward Tattsyrup, a proverbial sackful of other twisted and tangled personalities and the
oddest and arguably best loved character Papa Lazarou. Lazarou is the minstrel faced leader of a shadowy circus troop and pure Gothicism.

The surreal, dreamlike tone is increased by the fact almost every character is played by a cast of three; Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton and Mark Gatiss (Co-writer, Jeremy Dyson is the only ‘League’ member who does not regularly appear). All four have moved onto big things on TV, film and stage, but The League of Gentlemen and ‘Royston Vasey’ is where they really captured the hearts and imaginations of fans.

The League of Gentlemen is unique. It is the perfect encapsulation of British humour, intertwined with horror heavily influenced Hammer. The show is a British institution and one that is travelling well (it’s gained cult status overseas).

This Halloween, turnoff the lights and immerse yourself in ‘Royston Vasey.’ I promise, once you enter… ‘You’ll never leave.’